last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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