Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
