I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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