i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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