Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
