I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
