god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
