why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
