and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
