there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
