riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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