I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
