just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
