We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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