Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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