Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
