remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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