it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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