Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
