im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
