Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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