I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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