sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
