More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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