woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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