how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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