You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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