im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
