Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
