this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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