i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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