nut hugger
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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