last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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