Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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