Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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