Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
