Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
