Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
