3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
