ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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