i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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