I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
