So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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