I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We just shotgunned beers for America
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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