benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
