I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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