i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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