i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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