True but thats because hes a fetus.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
