There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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