she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Randomize
