I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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