I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
