Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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