Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
