Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
