The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
People in love make me want to vomit
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
