She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
