fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize