I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Someone shattered a urinal.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
