I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
