what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
