in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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