I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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