Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
