:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
