The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
